Jumping to Judgement

“I’m out and I see my cousin, should I say Salam to her?”

Of course not. They’ll say you’re in a relationship.

“I’ve just started wearing the Hijab but noticed that my close friend wasn’t wearing it properly. Shall I advise her?”

Of course not. When you graduate from the University of Hijab then maybe but don’t you dare tell her what to do just yet.

“I’m a young, single guy and want to organise a Majlis, will I be judged?”

Of course you will. They’ll say your intention is impure and you’re up there to advertise yourself.

“I’ve sinned in the past but have changed Alhamdulillah. Shall I tweet a hadith on repentance that had inspired me on this journey?” 

Of course not. Do you think you’re a Sheikh? What a disgusting ‘holier than thou’ attitude you’re developing.

“I’m really interested in a religious sister from a wealthy background but don’t have the best job in the world, do you think I should propose?” 

Of course not. Unless you’re a manager at a bank, drive a Mercedes and currently own a house under your name. Otherwise, they’ll say you’re after the money. 

I could go on forever.

A gossiping society of hasty judgements that does not think twice before jumping to farfetched conclusions – this is what we have become. 

The above examples are a few, believe it or not, "casual" encounters which one must bear in order to survive in such conditions. So yes, there are far worse. Too many of us have placed blinkers on and refuse to see a situation from different angles. We don't give each other chances. We see or hear something and rush to drag each other down because, to be quite frank, we're having too much fun at it.

"We have two ears and one mouth, so we should listen more than we say". But we don't listen. We gossip, judge with confidence and point fingers easily, as if we are indestructible and exemplary. We are nothing less of a dangerously judgemental community to the extent that even if I'm doing something completely normal, I have to think many times before it because one way or another, it will be perceived as something wrong and so let the Chinese whispers commence.

Upon defining the verb "judge", we get "to decide", "to assess" etc. There's nothing wrong with distinguishing between what is right and what is wrong. However, what's problematic is our perception of right and wrong, derived from extreme cultural standpoints, which we use to judge each other upon and we look down on people for that. We don't encourage each other to do good because we're too busy finding flaws in one another. 

Recently, #TwitterHijab was trending and it received a vast range of reactions. It was a good initiative as I think it is far more effective when the youth learn from each other, as opposed to hearing about social hijab in a one hour lecture at the mosque. We share similar social problems and can help one another to improve, but we didn’t even give that a chance.

The first Quranic verses that came to mind when I saw the tweets were “…Why do you preach what you do not practise? How despicable it is in the sight of Allah that you may preach what you do not practise” [61:3]. It would have been nice to see more implementing and less Tweeting. Reading them, I felt that they were all directed at a few people who, naturally, would have spoken out in defence. You can’t humiliate someone publicly, even if they are abusing social hijab, and not expect a negative reaction. It doesn't work like that and never will.

Here’s a short story showing the beautiful approach and etiquette of our Imams which you’ve probably heard:

An old man sat to do his Wudhu (Ablution) but was doing it incorrectly. Imam Hassan (as) and Imam Hussain (as), young boys at the time, saw him and immediately realised that he was not doing it correctly, but they hesitated to tell him directly. Why? Why would an infallible hesitate? Because they thought that perhaps the old man would feel humiliated by them or might even lose interest in the act of worship. Sitting next to him, they started to do the Wudhu and during it, Imam Hassan (as) would say “Oh Hussain, my Wudhu is correct and more perfect than your Wudhu”. Imam Hussain insisted that his was better. So they said “Let us refer to this gentleman, he is older than us and should be able to decide”. The old man was listening patiently. The Imams performed their Wudhu, under his supervision, one after the other. When they had finished, the old man realised the flaws in his Wudhu. He turned to the Imams and gently said “You have both done it correctly. I am grateful that you chose to guide me in such a beautiful manner”.

Makes you think, doesn’t it? They’re unable to sin and have reached the highest levels of perfection, but examine how they chose to tell others of their mistakes. Such a strategic and eloquent approach, leaving the other person with no choice but to reconsider their actions. This is what we need more of. I have to agree that many of the tweets were very “bam! In your face”. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with advising one another, but do it out of love, not spitefulness.

But, I’ll act as the counterbalance. Many made a mockery of it, which in a way, was perceived to be ridiculing the entire notion of improving social Hijab. Also, as ironic as it may have seemed, those “preachy” 140 characters shouldn’t have given anyone an excuse to judge the “opposition”. Yes, their approach could have been better but to see the transition from a respectable range of tweets to personal attacks and indirects was embarrassing. It’s as if that trend was a trigger to release all the hate you had for someone. Again, how does that make us look? We trend with the goal of spiritual progression but end up with social deterioration. It’s saddening because we can do so much with what we have but too easily, the judging and gossiping ruins it all once again.

So, even if someone is doing something which is unacceptable, we don’t come together to deal with the issue calmly & swiftly. Rather, we pounce like lions, put on our Islamic police uniforms and tell the person “Hey, you’re sinning and you’re probably feeling bad about it but have no fear, I’m here to make you feel that bit worse”. This is our problem. Instead of assisting one another to advance, many find joy in gathering to list the wrong doings of so and so, oblivious to the fact that there are always two sides to a story. Those judging are probably drowned in their own sins too but hey, your sins seem to ignite more gossip so let’s pick on you.

Here’s another great example: Girls taking off their Hijab. Yes, it’s haram but look around you. The aggressive reactions that these girls have received are one of the primary causes as to why this problem is now epidemic. If she’s taken it off, then it’s obvious that it’s because she has not fully understood or appreciated the logic behind it, otherwise she would not have taken it off. How many of us stopped and thought, maybe I ought to talk to her gently instead of rehearsing my “dirty look” and saving it for every time I saw her? If you do get round to actually talking, you’ll discover that they all have one personal issue which has led to the abandoning of the Hijab – low self-esteem. So, the Hijab isn’t the ultimate problem. This low self-esteem is what leads to them facing struggles, which I’ve mentioned in “Struggles of a towel head”, in wearing the Hijab. 

We need to smile at these sisters and help them. Weigh up the pros and cons of developing such a strategic method with the pros of scolding, judging and gossiping. I can’t think of a single advantage to be honest, except that of a peculiar form of self-satisfaction. The consequences, however, are great. With such negative energy radiating from us as a whole, we eliminate even that slightest possibility of the sister putting it back on. Many do think about it constantly when they’ve taken it off and the feelings of regret build up and eat them inside, even if it doesn’t seem it. But when you get so much hatred aimed at you, the last thing you’d think off is going back because even then, due to judgemental natures, you’d STILL be looked down upon. So why bother anyway, right? (I speak about the majority of the people here but I do personally know some who have tried to aid the situation so don’t assume I’m releasing my frustration at society as a whole).

Imam Ali (as) says to Malik Al-Ashtar: “If one night you see someone committing a sin, tomorrow don’t look at him as a sinner, he may have repented during the night and you didn’t know”. We can learn so much from that to deal with such issues.

Now you may accuse me of being a pessimist for highlighting the flaws in our communities, but why praise endlessly when there are still vast improvements to be made? We have achieved so much, but this judgemental nature must be defeated as it hinders any future progress, be it personal or social, as “Criticism polishes my mirror”.

With all honesty, us youth are far less judgemental than the elders, but attempting to change the attitudes of the elders has proved to be, without exaggeration, an impossible mission. So the hope lies within us.

I didn’t intend on preaching in this blog, so I apologise if that’s what it seems like I’m doing. I just believe that we have so many obstacles which we can tackle together, if we all change the way we see each other. Let’s busy ourselves with our own sins and adopt more tactical methods of getting the messages across. Less judging. Less gossiping.